I joined the LDS church in January 1970 soon after the death of David O’McKay. Our family were introduced to the church by neighbours with children of a similar age, the key to our conversion was my mother Iris reading the Book of Mormon and wishing us to attend church as a family. Both my brother Philip and I served missions. Philip and my dad, John Shrubb served as Bishops of Epsom ward in Surrey. I cherish the memories of our church experience and the kindness of the Manners family in befriending us. LDS life as a teenager during the 70’s in the London area was a vibrant time, there were many activities and individuals of great character, integrity and worldly status providing fantastic role models.
I struggled with the notion of a personal testimony, many of my peers seemed willing to declare ‘They knew without any shadow of a doubt and with every fibre of their being that the LDS church was the one true church.’ I knew I loved the church and admitted only to myself that I loved it more than Jesus. I knew I wasn’t ready to serve a mission at 18, I went to Kingston Polytechnic and obtained my degree in Geography. My last year at college was transformational, I felt driven by some power greater than my own to prepare in every possible way to serve a mission, to the extent I would say I was ‘called’.
I married Deborah Bowles in the London temple and we have been blessed with four very independent children, Katharine, Hannah, Jaime and Duncan. We moved away from Surrey to Newton Abbot, Devon, Debbie continued with Nursing and I entered the teaching profession. Our family experience with regard to church was mainly positive for our children and myself. Debbie increasingly found the value of her church experience diminishing. In an effort to focus on the life and mission of Jesus, she began reading material about the historical nature of Jesus, this pathway finally lead her to the conclusion that he was not a ‘ God.’
I felt that my ‘testimony’ had grown and associated my key experiences as evidence of the veracity of my faith. I still hold those experiences dear to my heart. However, from January 2021 as I began to acquire knowledge about LDS history, theology, coupled with aspects of textual analysis of The BIble, archeological evidence and scientific discovery, etc. The overwhelming nature of evidence breached my defence of ‘spiritual witnesses’. I did not doubt the existence of my experiences but I had to reposition them. I needed to evaluate whether they determined the truth claims of my faith or whether it was possible to accept there were alternative explanations.
After the dangers of covid receded I returned to church and I wanted to share some of my discoveries. This did not go down too well on a number of levels, there wasn’t a place for me anymore which I felt was made clear to me. Also my frustrations were not with the people I was associating with, including family members, my issue was with the past and the institution. I did not feel in all conscience that I could remain a member and be silent. If I resigned, then I would not feel any obligation to rebel from within.
I believe I have made the correct decision, unfortunately, there now exists ‘no go’ territory with the members of our family who are fully participating. I am endeavouring to honour their preferences, especially about ‘topics’ that the grandchildren might come into contact with, against their parents wishes. My new position has strained various relationships and socially my circle initially diminished. I felt ‘possessed’ to devour information related to religion and science, this lasted for about18 months, then as I began to experience less anger and rage, my appetite for consuming information abated. I still read and initiating this web site is part of a cathartic process. I miss dynamic exchanges on religious matters and would still like to be part of a community of people with similar interests and shared history.
Comments welcome contact info@mormonreflections.org.uk